My Instinct is to Make Fun of You For Using the Word “Humping.”

I hate shopping.

It is not one of those traits as a lady I was supposed to get.

I just despise it.

My approach, in this case, to grocery shopping or otherwise, is to get in and get out. I don’t dilly dally unlike my own sex who has a tendency to him and hawh and think and wonder “does this make me look fat?” or “can i get this ice cream in another flavor?” or “can i still purchase this with the expiration dated coupon even THOUGH I have three more of these SAME products at home?” If you are one of these people, please stay away from me, especially in the grocery store. When I’m in the grocery store, I am in a zone. I have to be. I focus on the aisles I need to go to, I don’t think about what I might forget. I have pen in tow to cross out the items. I am ready.. then I hear the usual top 40 songs of the late 80s and 90s over the loud speaker… I’m in a groove then I hear something. Something foul. Something extremely shitty. Something that makes my ears bleed..

A crappy rapper.

But no, not over the loud speaker. It’s not a 90s rapper. It’s Lil’ Wayne. It’s Rick Ross.. It’s Tech Nine (yeah unfortunately there’s a crappy rapper called Tech Nine).. But where? Where oh WHERE is this poor excuse for rap music coming from? Where I say? The closer I get to the frozen dinners, the louder I hear it.. clashing with say a Taylor Dane song (google her youngins).. it’s getting worse. Then, II find the noise. The cringing, ear piercing, auto tuning.. the GAAAAAAH. I figured out where it has come from.

A FUCKING CELL PHONE.

For some reason the young numbnuts who pass themselves off as supposed teenagers of today now think it’s COOL to play their music on their cell phones out loud for everyone to hear as if I haven’t been punished enough with shopping. NOW I have to endure hearing the latest crapper recite lyrics littered with filth. And there are young kids around, I might add. And we all know short, crying, annoying children are like sponges and soak up whatever is around them. So chances are what these young nuts of numb believe to be cool to do is inflicting a bad example on the youngins of…well not tomorrow. But the day after tomorrow in what to call people and how to act. You know it’s bad enough I have to endure listening to lousy rap and pop music in the cars of other people at intersections and in lanes. But my GOD the grocery store? The grocery store??? Is there NO place sacred anymore? Do you REALLY want to hear Rick Ross lie about his upbringing JUST to look cool?

If I had my way, I would own these grocery stores. I would go up and down the aisles and whoever is playing the cell phone music outloud I would approach them. I’d use a tazer. And I’d tase the hell out of them and throw them out. Shopping at a grocery store doesn’t mean it can be your own club. It’s a public place people. What kills me even more is that the security guard, the old rusty dusty guard who let’s face will do NOTHING should anything really truly bad happen in the store, lets these young people just get away with it. It isn’t just in the frozen food section too. I just saw numbnut after numbnut.. aisle after aisle. From the cookies to the breads, to the toothpastes.. every other row.. I’d hear Wayne in one, LMFAO in another, and gasp! Pitbull in the baked goods. I swear it was enough to make me want to go all Michael Douglas from Falling Down on them and go the fuck off! But if I do then I’M seen as the crazy one.

Chris Brown? *ZAP* Lil Wayne? *ZAP* Pitbull *Double ZAP* JUST because I’m forced to hear the phrase “Mr. Worldwide” a gazillion freaking times.. leaving their tasered bodies by the automatic exit closing door, followed by me saying “have nice day.”

With it being MLK’s b-day, I don’t think he imagined a time where race relations would share a store and be forced to listen to crap music heard on cell phones in harmony. I don’t think there is anything harmonious about these situations, do YOU?

Don’t answer that.

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